As I sit here, with my daughter on New Years Eve, I think through what 2024 was for me. There was a lot of moments of deeper healing but there was also a lot of PIVOTING, in the words of Ross from Friends.
For the last few years, I kind of felt like the little kid with dust on him from Charlie Brown. Ya know, Pig-Pen. Everyone knew he was loveable and kind of just there, but visibly we could see the dust falling off him every time he moved. And I felt that was how the last few years have kind of felt. Blurry and dusty.
In 2024, there were a lot of personal changes mentally, emotionally, and relationally that provided huge moments of release for me.
But If I am being honest, in the moments of those changes, I felt the chaos and the loss of that choas that felt overwhelming and unsure. I could not see past the tears and the dust to feel the joy that was coming.
In December 2023, I started in-depth counseling again to work through what I was feeling and learning to let things go. Do you know the saying about letting water roll of your back like a duck? Yeah, I was a sponge.... I just took in all the water and held onto it until someone else could help me process releasing the water.
And I think that's how healing is sometimes. We wait for someone to help guide us through letting go of the should-have's, could-have's, and what would have beens. And that's ok!
But at some point, we have to get to a point of letting it go on our own. Bitterness has this way of clouding our judgement, but jadedness has a way of stealing our joy.
Truth is, I was ignoring the dust around me and I was simply pushing forward in hopes that some day, the dust will settle.
I did not realize until now that the dust that I was fighting was not just the choas of trauma or the longterm impact of trauma, but the deep rooted hopelessness that brokenness can cause. These are very real feelings when we are sitting in some of the most joyous moments of our life, and we simply feel like we can't breath.
We don't have to stay there though. It's not as easy as just letting everything roll of our backs, at some point we have to face the pain head on and work through it. We have to be willing to walk step by step through what is hurting, pause in it, and sort through what we feel and why.
Healing takes time and joy may not be something we can see in the moments of chaos. We need to be honest and open with our needs, and truthful with where we are at.
And at some point, take the steps to work through what is hurting, so that we can get through the dust and let it settle.
2025 may not play out the way that I would hope, or the way that you need, but I hope that 2025 brings a settling of the dust so that you can see how bright life can be. I hope tha the child like faith of tomorrow can return to you and feel like you can take a step into tomorrow.
I hope 2025 is everything you need it to be.
Your Friend,
Danisha.
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