I was talking to a group of advocates yesterday, :Shout out to my Foster Greatness Fam-Bam and that kick-butt panel I was on (you can watch herehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdvbmbCP2-c) about how we often push through and do not take time off work. And my new friend Tony said, "It's not a flex..." and I agree... It's not a flex when we almost burn ourselves out and do not practice self-care.
And I shared something very personal that I have not shared in a while because 1) of shame, 2) of judgement from others, and 3) it becomes the "reality" of a lot of small business owners or self employed people.
I have not taken a maternity leave since having my Daughter Harper in 2022. And that's not a flex.
I had an event on September 20th, 2022 and went to my 31 week check up on September 21st, 2022. I was hopsitalized for high blood pressure.
I spent from Wednesday to Saturday unexpectedly in the hospital trying to get my blood pressure down. We were sent home on Saturday and I went back in on Monday to check my blood pressure and BOOM.... I landed back in the hospital on Monday.
While I was in the hospital, I was teaching and working with clients that I coach. I let a few of them know that there was delays in my responses because I was unepectedly in the hospital and MOST clients understood.
Now, let's pause here because I need people to understand.... I was not just laying in bed the whole time. I was on magnesium which was making me sick and I could not really see out of my eyes, so my husband was reading emails to me and reading out loud clients/students papers so I could give feedback on what they needed to do. So, I thought my honest would help, but it bit me in the butt.
I had two people chew me out on how irresponsible I was for my misplanning,and when I told them it was unepxected and it was a normal doctor's appointment gone wrong, they both said "If I knew you were pregnant, I would never have come to you..."
And I was crushed because I was trying to be honest and take care of my body. It got to the point that the nurse said, "I am going to take your phone and not give it to you..." and 2 years later, I wish she did.
But I sat in the hosptial bed unable to control my blood pressure and UNABLE to control my business crashing down before me.
At this point, I was 10 weeks early laying in the hospital, having clients and students yelling about timely feedback, and my daughter and I fighting for our lives.
On September 29th, 6 1/2 weeks early, my daughter entered the world at 18 inches long and 5 lbs 1.8 oz. We spent 12 days in the NICU and I was working as we travelled to and from the hospital.
Here's our little girl, being awesome!
And then, October 2022 to January 2023, my business took the hit of a lifetime. I was discouraged and could not figure out why I could not get anyone to return my emails and students were not coming to me for help.
And then I made the decision to take 8 weeks off from teaching.. Which was another hit financially.
All while trying to pay our bills and my employee's paychecks. I was stuck in an ever-loving-cycle of confusion, postpartum and lack of sleep- all while trying to get clients in the door and pick up classes where I could.
Then someone told me something.... "We thought you were on maternity leave. and so and so said they were covering for you...."
And as soon as I addressed it on social media and sent out a blast email, people came back.
But by this point, I could not scale back or take time off. I was knee deep in needing to figure it out or needing to close the door for good.
But.... I attended a class with the last $197 in our bank account and got the mindset shift I needed.
My business started thriving within a few weeks and I was finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It took from September 2022 to May 2024 to finally get out of the finanical hurdle that we were in. We just started to see relief earlier this year and THANK GOD because it was rough.
But this last week, we went on vacation for four days and it was the first time in 2 years that I felt like I could breath.
It was the first time I really sat back and said, "Wow.... I still have not taken maternity leave...." and that's not a flex.
I was fortanute to be able to do my busienss and teaching from home. I did not have to take my daughter to daycare and was able to figure out the day to day juggle of working while raising a spunky 2 year old.
In some aspects, the last two years were incredibly hard but also very rewarded and beautiful.
But I do not recommend not taking the vaction or the time off. The hardest part is not being able to afford the time off.
So, if I could give any advice. Try saving money each month while you are in good seasons or even tight seasons. Reduce your bills and hold on to that savings with all you can.
And learn to find cheaper ways to have time away.
I did not have to close my doors and instead of running away, I stuck my nose to the ground and grinded. And that's not a flex. It's the moments we have to do what we need to in order to survive, but also... Try to recognize the moments that you can come up for air and take a big breath in.
This last week was that for me and it was more energizing then I could have ever imagined.
And you know what, for the first time in a year, I did not panick or have anxiety on a ride that my daughter loved going on.
I got to be present with my daughter, and look at her now.... She's gorgoues and so healthy.
If the only thing I did right in the last two years was be able to hold her and ensure she was healthy, then that was the only thing I needed to focus on.
And to everyone who helped encourage me the last two years, thank you. I would not be here if it was not for you.
I cannot wait to see what this year holds. In all it's restoration that was needed and earned, I hope to never have to do that again.
Love muchly.
Danisha.
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